Alone
by DieZeitVergeht
Summary: You've ignored her for the last time. She's leaving you alone. You didn't realize you left her feeling just as alone. One-shot.


_I really can't believe,__  
__That you are gone.__  
__Feelings of misery__  
__I'm feeling alone__._

_How can I sleep at night?__  
__Oh please hurry home.__  
__Let me apologize.__  
'C__ause I know I was wrong.__  
__Why did you leave me alone?_

It's the probably the thousandth time that this song was on repeat. You can find it within yourself to turn the damn thing off.

It's the mix that you did with Jasper Forks, a few months before she left you. You used to think this song was so goddamn ironic.

Like the 'speaker' of the song is feeling alone, and they want to apologize, but they don't fucking know why their person left them all alone…like contradictory much?

But now you have a newfound understanding of the fucking song, even though you _know_ what you fucking did.

It's your fault she left you.

You did exactly what you've always said you didn't want to. You've gone and did the very things you promised her you'd never do to her.

You've gone and inadvertently become your father.

Not in the sense of cheating on her; you would never fucking cheat on her. You love her too much to do that.

But…

That didn't stop her.

You ignored her.

You neglected her.

You forgot the most important parts of your relationship that you never thought you'd forget (her birthday [granted you worked through _your_ birthday too], your second anniversary, the baby shower for her older sister, etc.).

You got caught up in the busy life of being a wanted music producer.

You practically _pushed_ her into the arms of her best friend.

The day you found out that the love of your life slept with the girl, of whom you've disliked since the day you met Chloe, was up on the top of your list of bad things that have happened in your life (it's not your fault you never got along the best friend; she started it anyway).

You should have seen it coming once you began the late nights working at your studio.

You should have known the minute you cancelled on your weekly date night, three weeks in a row, to finish your meticulous final touches on the tracks for your newest album.

You should have known when you noticed more and more of Chloe's clothes missing from your closet.

And you definitely should have known when you came home early the night of your third anniversary and she wasn't even home herself. You sat at your kitchen counter, waiting for the door of your loft apartment to open revealing your beautiful girlfriend (to whom you were going to propose that night).

You weren't supposed to be home the day you found Chloe packing her things from your apartment. You were supposed to be on a plane to god knows where in Europe. You were supposed to be on tour for six months.

You cancelled as soon as you stepped foot onto the plane that was taking you away from the woman you'd been ignoring.

You arrived home that same day and burst into your apartment ready to fix everything. You got home to your blonde-haired enemy sitting (and glaring at you) on your couch. You got home to boxes stacked by the TV. You got home to your love packing everything she owned.

You pushed her away into the arms of her best friend.

You came home to the explanation that she'd been cheating on you; she had been for over a year and a half, ever since you forgot about your anniversary.

You choked out that you were giving up the tour, that you wanted to marry her, that you could forgive her.

She shook her head and walked out of your life…and you let her.

So yeah, you've been holed up in your apartment, _Alone_ on repeat. You've not left your couch (after you realized you could never sleep in that bed again unless she was with you).

You haven't really eaten, nor have you showered.

You haven't answered your phone, which you're pretty sure is dead in the bottom of your still-packed luggage.

Jesse has come and gone.

You didn't let him in.

He begged for you to get the hell out of your apartment, to explain why you so suddenly dropped off the face of the earth.

You don't flinch when your PR manager shows up and starts pounding at your door.

You don't flinch when the threat of losing your job is yelled from the hallway.

You grab the remote to your stereo and crank the volume until you can feel the beats reverberating through your couch.

/

It's going on the fifth day of your moping when Chloe comes back.

She unlocks the door and pushes it opened until it's forced to stop from the chain you insisted was put in.

She begs you to open the door, she begs you to let her explain.

You tell her to fuck off.

You tell her to go back to her best friend.

You ignore her tear-stained face and her pleas for your forgiveness.

You get up off your couch just to shut the door in her face.

You get close to her though and your resolve crumbles. You feel yourself get drawn back in.

You were hooked the moment she showed up and you fucking knew it too.

Your stubborn retorts were too weak. You knew deep down that you wanted nothing more than to let her in, to take her back.

So yes, you got up with every intention to shove her out of your life for good. But you end up shutting the door (to her insistent protests). You end up unlatching the chain. And you end up opening your door for her to come in.

She turns around, surprised. And before you know it, she's hugging the life out of you, crying into your shoulder.

You still hear the song blasting from your speaker and you know she has to hear it too.

She laughs, a disbelieving chuckle, a 'what the fuck are you doing' sort of laugh.

She pushes you against a wall, hand at your chest. You can tell she wants nothing more than to yell at you. You can see it in her eyes. You were always to read her emotions from her eyes.

And then she's stumbling away from you.

She's crumbling.

She's losing herself and you want nothing more than to pull her into your arms and hug her again.

She's rambling.

You hear bits and pieces. How she made a mistake. How she thought you were cheating on her, so that's why she did it to you. How you just kept ignoring her. But then she's switched to how much she loves you. How much she wants your forgiveness. How you'd be dumb to forgive her, but she wants you back.

You want to tell her to fuck off again. You want to make her leave your apartment.

Goddammit, you fucking want to tell her to stay out of your life for good.

But you love her still.

You understand your mistakes, you understand her mistakes.

You don't really know how you're going to back your relationship work again.

You don't know her anymore…and that was your fault.

But it was her fault too, you realize.

She came back and you want her back for good. But you tell her that you can't let her back, not when she so easily sought comfort from someone else.

She's furious now. And you realize too late that song still on repeat describes her life too.

You left her alone for so many days.

She just wanted you home, but you were never there.

There were countless nights where you fell asleep at the studio, on your mixing boards. It became so frequently occurring that you realized you'd stopped apologizing for it after only two weeks of it happening.

You realize she thought she did something to push you away; that you found someone else better than her.

All these feeling come rushing to the forefront of your mind and you slide down the wall that you're still pressed against.

You're finally crying and she is too.

You stay like that for a while.

Minutes.

Hours.

They blend.

You don't really know how long.

But suddenly you're standing up and striding over to Chloe, hand held out.

She takes it and stands from her place on the floor. She allows herself to be pulled into your arms, hers instantly wrapping around your neck as yours tighten around her waist.

/

You're probably dumb for letting her come back into your life, but you can't regret it.

You're too in love with her.

You're probably too accepting of the fact that she cheated on you for over a year. But you ask her to start over, to forget everything that happened. She agrees, and tells you that she's going to stay with her parents for a while.

(You're surprised that she isn't staying with Aubrey, but she informs you of the fight they had the previous night, because she wanted to come back to you).

You promise that you won't pull any crazy late nights at the studio, she nods but tells you that it's okay, just not every night. You promise to stop ignoring her, she hugs you and tells you that she started ignoring you too.

You promise each other that you'll fix your shit.

You'll be better.

/

You promised all that stuff…

And a year later you're back to your old habits.

But she's starting to spend more time with you at the studio, bringing dinner on the days that you're frustrated nothing is going right.

You and Chloe are back to living with each other and you're planning (again) on asking her to marry you soon.

You've let yourself love her to your full capacity and beyond.

She's the one thing you never really knew you wanted, but the minute you lost her, you need you'd always have a place for her in your heart.

You're not alone anymore and neither is she.

/

A/N: well...yeah. Idk what that was. I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
